10 Facts....about my husband and me

Inspired by Betty Beguiles

1.

When I was 14 I started hanging out with a boy in the year above at school. He'd been dating another girl. Not long afterwards he started dating her again. Yes, pretty short-lived! But our time was to come...

2.

I was 21 when we met again at the opening of a local pub/restaurant where I was working as a waitress. We had both just moved back home after finishing our university degrees. He told his friend that night that he wanted to marry me. I believe this amused me no end!

3.

He got a job where I worked and after a couple of weeks finally asked me out on a date. I had sworn off men big style but after our first couple of dates I was absolutely smitten. Within weeks we were inseparable. That was almost fifteen years ago.

4.

He supported me as I continued my studies and moved job and home to be with me for the duration of my PhD. Now he is supporting me in my path to ministry. I am utterly convinced God made us to be together.

5.

I actually, officially, asked him to marry me on February 29th, 2000. (Traditionally women are 'allowed' to propose on that date. Not that I was a traditionalist then!) We were married that same year.

6.

I feel like we've grown and grown up together. I remember renting our first place, buying our first house. Songs, stories and movies that we've shared. He let me learn to drive in his car. He's held my hand in so many ways. (Not least me digging my nails in during labour!)

7.

There are too many songs that mean something to list here. But we walked down the aisle to Suzanne Vega's 'World Before Columbus'. I still feel like everything in life was given colour when we started our relationship. And more so as I came to know God and motherhood in the context of our marriage.

8.

There is not room to describe all the things he does for me. The main thing is, he does them uncomplaining, just to help me.

9.

We never even thought we would be blessed with one child. Now we have three. Girls. (Pray for him during their teenage years, will you?) And that may not be the end!

10.

Last year we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. Not with fireworks, a party or a trip to Paris. But with a quiet lunch together at the place of our first date while the newborn slept in the buggy next to the table. Happiness.

~

Post your own ten facts over at Betty's.
There's such joy in remembering these moments.

Announcing...

Today we celebrate the Annunciation - an angel comes to Mary and tells her that she's going to give birth to the Son of God. As I've written elsewhere, Mary had the grace to say - well, sounds a bit odd, but thank you for blessing me and yes, I will, because I'm your servant, Lord. That always throws me. Most things God asks me to do, I run a mile.

But we're not Mary, and we're not equipped as she was; thank God, we don't need to be. So I like to think God trickles in little bits of His grace for other mothers as and when we need it. If someone had said to my younger self, by the age of 35 you will be married, have 3 young children and be studying for Church ministry, I would not have been able to say, like Mary - sounds crazy, but I'll go with it. I would have run that mile (or marathon!).

But, not only He is a God of Surprises, He knows what makes us tick. And many times he knows we are capable of things that we would not have formerly considered in a million years. And He gives us the means to deal with these things, little by little. Marriage itself is daunting. Birth can be brutal. Dealing with the shock of a first child, difficult. Dealing with two?!! And then another? While simultaneously helping out others in our path? While looking after ourselves, spiritually, physically, emotionally? Who'd have thought it?

Nowadays the main thing I take from the Annunciation is not that sometimes God asks us to do something and we are expected to say yes, straight away, and be Marian about it, because we think that's what we should do. The main thing is, the words (taken from Luke 1):

"For nothing will be impossible with God."

Because, however impossible we think a task may be, God can help us. He knows the potential we have. He tries to direct us to use this potential. He opens up new windows/ wardrobes/ horizons to us at every turn. We just need to believe. In ourselves. And trust. In Him. Which, to some, seems impossible in the first place. But the seeds of possibility have been sown. And even/especially by taking babysteps, and starting to make small changes, we are able to give that Marian response and say "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word." (Luke 1.)

Blessed are the children

OK, no one is allowed to argue with this one - children are blessings.

I may not be as open to life as the Catholic bloggers I follow, but I think I've sussed out why I am much more at home spending time online learning about them, their families, their philosophies and their faith.

They see each child as a blessing.

I grew up in a household which I perceive lacked spirituality, and focused more on the lives of the two adults who established it, than any bigger picture. My parents were never concerned about having kids or not, but after I arrived, they knew they didn't want anymore. Children were tricky; they required a whole lot of attention, and if my mother had another, she thought my father would leave. (As it was, dealing with us both seemed to prove a trial for her, especially when our opinions clashed). Around the age of two, I was packed off on holiday with my grandparents and great aunt, so my Dad could recover from his vasectomy peacefully and in less pain.

I didn't enjoy being the only one. Dad didn't like the noisiness and messiness of children - still doesn't. My mother and I spent a lot of time together, but I feel she still treats me like the child I once was, and we have never psychologically moved out of the very small, nuclear family unit that we once were.

So this has perhaps coloured my viewpoint on children. Interestingly, I never gave much thought to having them myself until I met my husband. When it took us years to conceive, I suddenly became more desperate and tried to understand God's plan for us. I didn't desire a larger family; I just wanted a baby.


When a daughter arrived, I was delighted. But it was a steep learning curve. Life was now impossible to plan. Thankfully the gifts of patience, flexibility, humility and spontaneity were bestowed upon me. I learned to put my perfectionism and control issues aside.

And despite the difficulties, we desired to gift our firstborn with a sibling. Luckily this was part of God's plan, too. Daughter1 was just past 18 months when Daughter2 was born. Having them this bunched together was extremely hard work. But, I never doubted the joys. Yet, I never expected to have another.

Whether or not people condone the way we have undertaken family planning, I truly believe our children have been born according to God's plan. Daughter3 arrived last August, four years after her nearest sister. She is a treasure and our family is enriched - and exhausted - beyond bounds. We aren't categorically ruling out having more, even though our current work and domestic situation would logically exclude it.

I don't move in Catholic circles in real life, but I spend a lot of time with fellow Christian women, and several of my friends also have larger families - by which I mean at least three children. But what I am beginning to encounter from people who do not know me or my faith - together with a surprise that I have three children, or surprise that I was open to getting pregnant again in the first place, rather than having a 'happy accident' - is utter shock that I would consider still more children; that I see God's hand in the form my family has taken. And if we go on to discuss the subject, coupled with this is their shock that I consider every child a blessing, rather than sheer hard work and something to deal with, rather than someone to love.

It saddens me that I live in a culture which fetishizes babyhood (yup, a post in progress) but doesn't value children. That thinks larger families exist to live off the welfare state or to cause trouble. That thinks it is enough trouble providing for one, let alone more. That doesn't understand that I can't necessarily chat on the way to the playground because my two school-aged girls are trying to get a word in edgeways with me, and I want to talk with them!

I want to displace the shocked looks from people's faces when they realise that not everyone is fulfilled by living in a small family unit, and that the chaos and sheer messiness of family life can be embraced rather than controlled. I want to reach out to the mothers I know of three, four, and five children and tell them that I understand - it is hard work, but it brings huge joys. I know we are oscillating here in the UK between inherited attitudes that children are 'seen and not heard', and the desire to bestow every material, intellectual and emotional advantage on our children, as long as they develop to their potential. But I wish it weren't so shocking to people to admit to being open to having more children. Yes, it hurts, yes, they challenge us, yes, they don't allow us to do everything we think we should be doing. Yes, being a woman is more than being a wife and mother for many of us. Yes, parenting is a very tough job which needs hard work. But what gifts children are!

Some of us don't feel it is our calling to be mothers, and I'm not saying everyone should be a parent. But I feel it should be everyone's calling to delight in children, to appreciate the human race, especially when they are learning life lessons and beginning to grow, physically, emotionally, spiritually. When we are across the way in France and Spain, our children are treated as people, rather than nuisances. They are treated as special, unique human beings rather than noisy little things who just should shut up so the adults can talk in peace. In my indigenous environment, I don't seem to meet many people who see each child as a gift and a blessing, rather than something to stymie our own lifestyles, drain our resources, grey our hair and tire us out. So thank God for the websites and blogs that I read, that value children oh so much. On some days, they help me more than they would every realise.

Blessed are the children.

Daybooking* in the month of AUGUST

OK, so I missed July. But, I was heavily pregnant, had finished my first year of assignments and the kids had finished school. Early August, I had the baby, and 2 weeks later, I feel a little more human (I said a little....)

Outside my window: Actually, it's getting Autumnal, which is mad, as I purchased quite a bit of newborn stuff for Rebecca envisaging that we were going to be in the middle of a summer heatwave this month. I love the view over the fields and woods at the back in the sunshine, and also the nip in the air, but its bittersweet - Dear Husband is returning to work next week, leaving me with the entertaining of 3 beautiful yet demanding girls (nearly 6, 4.5 and 0) and in less than 3 weeks the elder ones will return to school and pre-school....just as I am getting used to spending lovely time together as a family of five.

Thoughts: I don't think I am thinking as such - my mind is idling, between feeds and naptimes. I'm thinking of food a lot. Especially things I didn't have during pregnancy, like smelly, really stinky, nasty cheese. And not thinking at all about the food I craved like billy-o during pregnancy (I would not care if I never ate Mexican again. Go figure.)

Thanksgiving: For the safe arrival of Baby Rebecca Mary. For keeping me safe with my family. For the gift of life.

Kitchen goings-on: Hahahahaha. Ask my Husband. He's been washing, preparing food, cleaning surfaces, sterilising breast pump, nipple shields and breast shells ad infinitum. I have planned a weekly menu and ordered some food for delivery from the supermarket this afternoon. But I'm not cooking. Despite my mother's assumption I would be whipping up a blackberry and apple crumble (the blackberries my Dad picked from the garden went straight in the freezer.)

Reading: Facebook, Facebook, BBC News, Parenting Magazine, HIPP Babyclub website, Mothercare website - what do you know, I'm in a baby bubble.

Listening: CBeebies TV Channel. Girls lounging around on the sofa. Dustbins being moved around outside. More CBeebies. No 2 week old baby screaming for food - yet. She's napping.

Wearing: A lovely button-up red and white summer dress which is suitable for entertaining guests and quick breastfeeding (I mean quick opening, we don't do quick feeding in our house - minimum 45 minutes, up to 1.5 hours, each session.)


Around the house: I'm doing as little as possible. Girls are getting their sheets changed, we're going to try and do some vacuuming today. The day before labour, I was sticking up wallpaper borders and painting gaps in the kitchen wall white. I'm super glad we got the new sink, but strangely enough, household things aren't annoying me this month!


A Favourite Thing: The family. Girls. They're being great. From the biggest to the littlest. All troopers. And Husband has been a hero, from supporting me through labour to putting up with my sleep deprived rattiness.

*With thanks to Peggy.

The final stage....

Well, this is it folks! Soon we'll have Baby No 3 (possibly a Rebecca, or an Edward, and no the boy's name is not inspired by Twilight....) I think I'm starting to panic, as although the old cervix appears to be ripening and I am doing mad bastard things like sticking on new wallpaper borders and washing children's shoes with fabric shampoo, I'm certainly not prepared for delivery on Thursday.

Yes, Thursday! Best case scenario - we are the only ones booked in for C-Section on that day, there are no emergencies, and I am in theatre in the morning. Worst case - we are one of 4 booked in, and there are emergencies, and we will have to wait (on nil by mouth - thousands of apologies in advance, Dear Husband, if this makes me - additionally - moody.) And although I have this big faith, I still have anxiety - mainly because despite having 2 previous C-sections, they weren't planned in quite the same way as this one, and I just had to go with it, rather than having some semblance of structure but not being sure about the details.

Also, I'm trying to put in the back of mind thoughts about what happens if everything should go horribly wrong, as I have the best husband/friend/partner & 2 wonderful little girls at home - I just keep reminding myself that this is actually a routine operation these days. It's kind of like my fear of flying though - I'll be praying, and I know lots of other people are praying, for safe delivery - but I'm having to completely relinquish control and rely on the blessed surgeon and other health professionals who are helping out God bring new life into the world. So I'll be praying for them too! There'd be no guarantee that things would be any less worrying if a vaginal delivery was on the cards (in fact, knowing me, they'd be far more problematic)*, but I still can't quite get my head round the knowledge that we're going in on Thursday and baby will finally be with us!

It's not been an arduous pregnancy - my husband may differ on this, as he's been the one picking up the pieces while I was full of vomit, & struggling with pelvic pain - but I am ready for it to come to and end and meet the newbie. Obviously not looking to post-op recovery and lack of sleep and trying to get feeding sorted and so on - and my family are the best helpers in the world, but they may need entertaining with other stuff before long :-) But, we'll get there. See you on the other side!

*just watch me kick off into active labour this afternoon, that'll teach me!

Pregnant and posting....

OK, there are lots of things about me. I have a Christian faith. Probably the best husband in the world. 2 wonderful daughters. An overactive brain. Fears. Doubts. Joys. And so on. But the defining thing for me at the moment, the thing that is driving me to blog, is...I'm pregnant.

This is a wonderful thing, I feel truly blessed to be able to bring another life in this world, another being to take care of. But mainly - I just feel sick. And tired. And want to mutter. About how I fall asleep hearing my husband read the girls bedtime stories. And then spend insomniac hours listening to nighttime radio before waking at 4.30am for the day. Waking wanting to eat as much bread, cheese, coleslaw, oven cooked fish and chips, & mushy peas as I can all morning. Before feeling nauseous and exhausted all afternoon...

I've done this before, of course. Twice. The first time, I woke up to morning sickness for the first time in a Scottish hotel on a business trip. I vomited noisily in the airport toilet before my flight home, feeling distraught that no one offered to help me. The second time, I was changing the fruity nappies of my (elder, then) 1 year old daughter during the vomit weeks. The third time, I can flake out on the sofa watching kids' TV with my youngest (now 3.5 yrs). But sadly I have to take the eldest to school and pick her up, deal with everyone seeing me looking rough and nauseous when I don't want to talk about pregnancy until another couple of weeks. Well, I obviously want to talk about it or I wouldn't be muttering here. But not to anyone who knows me - yet!!

The one thing that has boosted me in recent weeks has been booking 3 nights in the family suite in this old English windmill. Oh, and the knowledge that this too will pass.