Thursday, 19 May 2011

Where we're at - all over the place!

So....where did all that Holy Week fervour go?!!! Search me! I feel like I'm going through the motions at the moment in terms of my serving Him. A bit on autopilot, if you will. There are lots of aspects of joy and blessedness that I'm noticing (especially the birth of people's babies). But life is ongoing; its myriad trials can trip us when we least expect them. I'm doing a lot of throwing my hands up and giving up - on assignments, on family responsibilities, on new activities that are on offer for the kids, even on church services.

So...I'm especially pleased I was able to take the time to attend the Holy Week services on offer, as at the moment, getting to Church once every Sunday feels a challenge....which I'm not beating myself up about. That's why we have the special times, to carry us through the 'ordinary'. Not that I discount the specialness of 5am mornings and the daily grind. And it's not like I felt I put in my time last month and now I can coast. In fact, I feel that God completely understands and knows I find Him where I need Him. And that He too is amazed and pleased when I succeed with something, whether spiritual or domestic.

Sometimes I think expecting respite from everything is a little presumptuous. But we can't serve without being refreshed - I need to keep recharged; grab my Sabbath when I can. Which I do. With prayer and with music, when I can. With life's moments seen through the eyes of little ones. Although I'm not trying hard to get things done, things are happening. We're enjoying books and the piano. Watching the baby stand and tumble and stand again, and tumble again, and stand again. I got shouted at last night for forgetting to read the girls their Bible story. I may not be joining in communal worship, but I can drop a bag of supplies off for the homeless. I may struggle with feeling comfortable fielding my family into church, but I'm still buzzing from last weekend's concert which raised over £500 for Christian Aid.

I'll get back in step with the rhythm of church services in time - I see the Eucharist as so necessary, I can't see me staying away for long! Besides - I'm going to my first Catholic service on Sunday, the baptism of my nephew. I'd be surprised if I fail to find the holy on that day.

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