OK, there are lots of things about me. I have a Christian faith. Probably the best husband in the world. 2 wonderful daughters. An overactive brain. Fears. Doubts. Joys. And so on. But the defining thing for me at the moment, the thing that is driving me to blog, is...I'm pregnant.
This is a wonderful thing, I feel truly blessed to be able to bring another life in this world, another being to take care of. But mainly - I just feel sick. And tired. And want to mutter. About how I fall asleep hearing my husband read the girls bedtime stories. And then spend insomniac hours listening to nighttime radio before waking at 4.30am for the day. Waking wanting to eat as much bread, cheese, coleslaw, oven cooked fish and chips, & mushy peas as I can all morning. Before feeling nauseous and exhausted all afternoon...
I've done this before, of course. Twice. The first time, I woke up to morning sickness for the first time in a Scottish hotel on a business trip. I vomited noisily in the airport toilet before my flight home, feeling distraught that no one offered to help me. The second time, I was changing the fruity nappies of my (elder, then) 1 year old daughter during the vomit weeks. The third time, I can flake out on the sofa watching kids' TV with my youngest (now 3.5 yrs). But sadly I have to take the eldest to school and pick her up, deal with everyone seeing me looking rough and nauseous when I don't want to talk about pregnancy until another couple of weeks. Well, I obviously want to talk about it or I wouldn't be muttering here. But not to anyone who knows me - yet!!
The one thing that has boosted me in recent weeks has been booking 3 nights in the family suite in this old English windmill. Oh, and the knowledge that this too will pass.