Thursday, 20 May 2010

All that is, seen and unseen...

I cleaned the removable plug in our bathroom sink yesterday.

It's like a mirror for my soul....

However much I keep on top of ensuring the bathroom is presentable, I can guarantee that by some point, the grout on the bathroom tiles will be stained and the ceiling will be a bit mildewy. These are lesser challenges that I don't mind being on display.

But the sink plug? *Shudder*

Armed with bleach, anti-bacterial spray, rubber gloves, hot water and a toothbrush, I scrubbed the little blighter free of (most) of the build up of yakky black grime from the muck and spittle that travels down there.

And now the build-up begins again. And I'll ignore it, because it can't be seen, and visitors to my house will only see the exterior presentation of cleanliness. Just like I try to hide others from the real 'me' at times, especially the part that snaps at the children, can just be in a bad mood for no reason at all and the one that feels detached from the world in which we live.

A few weeks ago, we had our loft boarded and a ladder installed. Hooray! It's amazing to have more storage space. But somehow, one of the workmen had a little trouble with the bathroom sink plug. It ended up being pulled out, on display, germ-ridden and filthy, with no disguise. Like God sees me. I knew then it had to be tackled as a priority (and believe me, doing things within a 3-week window for me means they are a priority at the moment!)

It's not that I want to be the sort of person who brings out their halo for the occasional polish, and whose house seems to tidy itself. My house is definitely more 'lived-in' than 'show-home'. And that's probably where I want to get me, too. Because believe me, I was devastated that a visitor to my house viewed that sink plug in all its honesty. But, that's the way things are in our house. So, although I do have roles and responsibilities that preclude putting all of my/self on show, I think I need to let some of me out there more. The human side - which is striving to do better, and gets the occasional clean up, but is still there, in all its impatient, critical, shouty, destructive being. The other day I wrote about mothers discipling their kids in public in a way that upset me - but I'll have done the same in private, even though I think such behaviours are abhorrent.

So, I'm off to prepare tomorrow's spaghetti bolognese, a big batch which will get turned into chilli con carne over the weekend. Idyllic, huh? But while I'm in the kitchen, I'll have to remember to discard the baked beans which have been sitting in the microwave since last night, when I forgot to serve them with dinner; and I'll sit and eat some of the box of chocolates that is currently atop my big cooking pot. I'm generally a little messy, outside and inside. Come and meet me, as I am.

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